My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
