You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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