I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize