and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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