cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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