My room smells like vodka and shame
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
