Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
