I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
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