Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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