but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
