just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
this just has baby written all over it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
