There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
