Slut skills are useful in every country.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
