You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize