If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
