Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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