OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
