I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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