We're like a lot better than the average bears
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
