Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
