ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
