If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
