we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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