I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
