There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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