my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
