I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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