i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
