Ambien. No doubt about it.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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