Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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