His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
