My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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