those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
