oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
