I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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