My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
