So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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