He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
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