Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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