I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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