So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
my sisters under your porch take her home
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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