forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Randomize
