I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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