This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
