This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I still have a little drunk in my system
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
