So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
You left your phone here
Wait...
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
