What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
