I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
