Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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