Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
