do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
