You're a womanizer and a bitch.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
