wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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