i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
