Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
