My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
