i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Randomize
