I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm always down for nudity.
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