Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
