somebody snuck up and got me drunk
This girl is more easily done than said...
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize