Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
