Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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