ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
