Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
