What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
