thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize