I wish I could teleport
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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