i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I need to calm my uterus...
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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