Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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