How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
only if we run a train.
done.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
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