you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
