Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
