I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
