No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
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