$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
