As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
