you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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